Let’s get this straight:
The Ex.
The Asshole.
The Sweet One.
The Hot One.
———

The ex; perfect, knows me amazingly well, knows exactly how to handle me, is a little too shy and quiet at times, but i don’t mind that. it can be difficult to see him sometimes, but makes me appreciate time with him more, i trust him and admire him, he would never hurt me. Things don’t tend to work second time round for me.
The asshole; he’s a liar, comes from a completely broken home, has done a lot of things with a lot of different girls but makes me happy and i think he’s changing, he’s very talkative, he’s interesting… very interesting. he knows how to piss me off to the max, but also knows how to sweet talk his way back in, he’s completely different to anyone i’ve ever met, he does drugs.

The sweet one; he’s in a lot of my classes at school, easy to see him every day, makes me laugh… a lot, can be immature, really likes me, is always trying to make me smile, wants nothing more than just to be with me, is something fresh; he sends me lyrics to my favourite songs via text just to see me smile even when he’s not here.
The hot one; he’s absolutely gorgeous and has liked me for a long time, he does a hell of a lot of drugs,he’s always been there for me, he’s been depressed and has some issues. He used to like my friend, he gets attatched very quickly, I think he’d take it a lot more seriously than I.

Who to pick?

it’s been almost a month since i did it.

i still dont know if i regret it.

things have been very confusing recently.

i’ve lost a lot of faith in people.

and i’m sick of who i am.

so… tomorrow the decision has to be done :/ fuck.
who thought such a decision would have to be based on one time, well it’s not just one time, but I am praying beyond belief that I feel something, even if it’s small. I’m not throwing away the best thing that’s ever happened to me if there’s any hope that I can save it. It’d be a waste, I want to fight for this. This has been a much to big a part of my life to just dissapear now.

I just pray I don’t see him and feel nothing.

i need someone who’s gonna set me straight because no one has ever cared enough about me to try.
^mhmm. >.< i need some help here. i need someone to tell me exactly how i feel, and why i feel it. and why things can’t just stay the same. it would be so much easier :/

<3

I just want to cry and cry and cry.

fuck, my heart has really been messing me around lately, like, seriously.

it hurts, a lot. and i don’t wanna go making any rash decisions, because idk whether or not i’d regret them.

I hate this; so much =/ I shouldn’t be doubting myslf.

started school again, already have a french test tomorrow and geography project due in sometime next week, oh the joys of y11 and gcses.

uhm, nothing to say, just haven’t posted in a while, i have a tumblr now btw.

www.tumblr.com/unsaidxwishes
www.xanga.com/unsaidxwishes

yeah, go check ‘em out (:

and that is exactly what i’m doing.

–

right, well, school is starting on Friday. GCSE’s this year, how bloody terrifying is that? I actually am going to have to work this year, something which I’m not honestly that used too. GAHH.

uhm, i’m 16 in a couple of weeks, not doing anything for it though, not because i’m a boring sod, but because there is literally nothing to do >.< which sucks, but whatcha gunna do about it eh?

i don’t really have much to write about in all things fair, my life has been going along quite smoothly and happily so there is no need for me to blog and rant a lot, which i usually do [:

mmkay,toodles<3

you’re doing it again, stop it now, you annoying thing

_______________________

Walk me down the street. Sit me on your front porch swing, and sing me something sweet until I fall asleep. You’ll drive till you crash, but you always seem to want to go so fucking fast that nothing ever lasts, and you just end up sleeping with the past.

=]

and the truth is that i`m scared of you. i`ve
never felt so drawn to another person, so
much that it`s impossible to keep my distance.
and i`m scared that you don`t feel the same way.

^epic song.

The life that I was trying for is gone, & I am feeling so darn sorry for myself that it is hard to breathe.

==

art without emotion is like chocolate cake without sugar. it makes you gag. next time you work on the trees, don’t think about trees. think about love, or hate, or joy, or rage – whatever makes you feel something, makes your palms sweat or your toes curl. focus on that feeling. when people don’t express themselves, they die one piece at a time.
-speak by laurie halse anderson

–

just say yes. to me, to us. i feel like i’m slowly losing you and that scares me. you came to my rescue and then left me in the dust. you can love with all your heart. no questions asked. you breathe oxygen. we have so much in common. you don’t care but it was the best moment of my life. i heard that you were trouble but i couldnt resist. Create the world you dream with every choice you make. the distance is only physical, my love. time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love.

=D

The truth is, I’ve never just been liked, loved, needed. I’ve only ever been used, They pulled me in and made me believe that they cared, when really, really it was only when the time was convenient for them that they were there in the first place. When they were feeling lonely, when their significant-fucking-other wasn’t around, I was the one turned to. And I’m fucking sick of it. I can’t forgive you, I can’t be your friend. Because you’re always going to pretend you care and then leave me lonely and in pieces.

mmhmmm:D

]]> http://unsaidxwishes.wordpress.com/2009/08/29/konstantine-something-corporate/feed/ 0 Joannaaaaxo http://unsaidxwishes.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/271/ http://unsaidxwishes.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/271/#comments Tue, 25 Aug 2009 00:58:41 +0000 unsaidxwishes http://unsaidxwishes.wordpress.com/?p=271 ]]>

After all, how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating? I’d lived through a lot, but it didn’t make me feel strong. Instead, I felt horribly fragile, like one word could shatter me.

<33

“Life is an adventure of passion, risk, danger, laughter, beauty, love; a burning curiosity to go with the action to see what it is all about, to go search for a pattern of meaning, to burn one’s bridges because you’re never going to go back anyway, and to live to the end.”

“Most people think things are not real unless they are spoken, that it’s the uttering of something, not the thinking of it, that legitimizes it. I suppose this is why people always want other people to say “I love you.” I think just the opposite—that thoughts are realest when thought, that expressing them distorts or dilutes them.”

Sometimes all you can do is not think. Not wonder. Not obsess. Not imagine. Just breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Everything works out in the end, and the more time you spend worrying about it, the longer it takes for things to end perfectly.. just the way they should.

This was my choice, my decision. He was the closest thing I’d ever had to something, or someone, that mattered. But in the end, close didn’t count. You were either in, or you weren’t.